Thursday, December 20, 2007
Pain means your still alive, right?
I had to start taking these injection to up my blood count and now I feel like I have been run over. My head hurts so bad that focusing on this computer screen is torture. Last night all my bones in my legs, hips, back and shoulders felt like someone took a 2 x4 to me. I just hate this. I had an addiction problem in high school with herion, meth and alcohol and I honestly believe that was easier than this. I would rather be high again then deal with this pain, alone. I don't think it is fair that I have to deal with this by myself and still attempt to function like a mom and take care of my girls. Where are all these people that offered to help me when Steve left? People are sending my girls presents and giving me checks, I appreciate that more than anything, but I want someone to talk to, someone to tell me that this too will pass. I want my husband home. I can't deal with this alone but I would like someone to come wrap all these gifts for me or fold my laundry or take my girls for their haircut that they have been begging me for. I feel so worthless right now. I know this will pass and I will have a good day again, but I have to take another injection today which means I will still feel like shit, I will still be bitchy and i will still not able to see the brighter side. I am done feeling sorry for myself for now, I just needed to get it out so I can move on, do laundry, make cupcakes for my girls Christmas party tomorrow and wrap presents. I just wish Steve was home. I miss him.
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4 comments:
I'm so sorry you are hurting. If you haven't already, local/regional cancer support centers LIVE for helping people going through treatment. It is funny how those closest to us often disappear during this time. I think that it is just that they can't cope with it - but it leaves us so alone and vulnerable. I know money helps, but it isn't really the primary need! I think that is why it is often strangers that can help the most at times like this.
Your oncologists office should have some info about a local cancer center, or the american cancer society. Try giving them a call. They won't make you feel bad about it - I promise!
I hope you feel better soon.
I wish I knew you, I would try to help out.
Thank you for reading my blog. I just hope I can reach out to someone going through the same stuff and my blog makes them feel not alone. I am new to blogging and am still trying to figure how to work it.
It's funny, I was commenting the other day about how I like to read other people's blogs because it helps me to cope with some problems that I might have in common with them.
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