Monday, May 18, 2009

Has it really been that long since last post?

March was my year mark and all scans have come back good. :) I am preparing to do relay for life. Since I am the only parent in my girls school to have had cancer, I guess I am the lead fundraiser in thier eyes. I do not mind, hey I get a free T-shirt. See cancer has perks!

I have found out that since chemo I now have a damaged heart valve from the chemo which will not get better, but I have to make sure that it does not get worse. I am suppose to stay away from hard drugs and loose weight. Damn! I am such the addict, j/k. I have the joy of permenate chest pains so hopefully I don't have a heart attack b/c I wouldn't know the difference.

I have started substitute teaching which is fun. Not what I thought I would be doing with my degree, since it is in gerontology, but it is a job. I started my master's in gerontology which I am finding to be harder completing working full time. I have full respect for those who do it all, I am still learning.

Over the weekend a dear friend of mine passed away from cancer. It has opened my eyes again to do a check over my choices I am making. I am finding that I am starting to put my cancer behind me and falling back into my old routines of doing too much and not taking care of myself. I find myself stressed again and wondering how I am going to get everything done. Hearing my friends death has brought me back to a level that I need to appreciate what I have and not care so much of the little things. It will get done. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will. I need to say no and stop trying to please everyone. I need to start putting myself first again so I do not get sick again. My friend was a survivor, she was so funny. No matter how bad my treatments were, I would open a letter from her and crack up. When I went into remission, she continued her battle. With no insurance, doctors tossed her aside but she fought for chemo, radiation and what ever else that could by her time. She was only suppose to live 6 months and it turned into 15 months. I will miss our letters back and forth that we have done until 3 weeks ago, I will miss her sick humor that I related to, but I will keep her bravery with me and her courage. She is a wonderful role model and will be truly missed.

Thanks for listening