Tuesday, October 20, 2009

joy of anal cleansing

Went to the GI doctor Monday and he wanted to do a colonoscopy on Wednesday so today I cleansed. 11am drank this nasty fizzy stuff and have not left the toilet since. Writing this I am going back and forth and it is almost 11pm. After talking to a few healthcare professionals I decided to cancel the appointment around 4pm today b/c I don't feel I have Crohn's disease and that is what he wanted to check. This doctor took no history, no blood and stated that he wants to do the colonoscopy then if it isn't Crohn's he will just give me meds for IBS. the more I thought about it and the fact my visit that probably cost as much as my car payment lasted less than 5 minutes, I decided to scrap it. Of course now I am paying for it since I can't stop going to the bathroom. I 'm sure you're glad I am writing about my bowel movements. Hey, I have one clean colon right now.

Swine flu has finally hit my girls schools. Of course they are not getting vaccinated till November so if they get the flu now, will they even need the vaccine? Are you immune to it once you have it? I can't find the seasonal flu shot for me anywhere. I have never had a flu shot before but since I have had chemo in the past, I thought I would do it, but now I can't find it. Figures. I just hope this panic soon fades and we can start living again without fear and face masks. I told my husband, I feel like we live in a sci fi movie, but without all the cool costumes.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Another round?

Four weeks ago my husband came home from employment which was a happy day. He got out of going to Iraq for now but is set to leave for Afghanistan in April with another unit. Summer was stressful with him gone, the fear that I was going to become sick with cancer again, the kids having depression and just dealing with him over there made days long even if he was just in New Jersey for training. Luckily, he is home, the mission is cancelled and this chapter is behind us for now.

The day I picked him up at the airport, I was feeling bloated, gassy and pooping everywhere. I thought it was the flu, though I was not running a fever. The next week, still feeling this way, I went to my doctor and she stated it was IBS and for me to change my diet but she did not refer me to another doctor or do any tests. Week three, I was still bloated, not able to eat and was uncomfortable so I went to my gynocologist. She agreed it sounded like IBS and referred to a GI doctor, which I go to Monday. While I was there, she did an ultrasound, I HAVE ANOTHER MASS ON MY OTHER OVARY. Do I have ovarian cancer again? Why didn't they just take this ovary out when I was under the first time? A few days later, I was up at my onocologist and he is trying to convince me that it isn't cancer and that I should live life like I have never had cancer before. How do you do this? I have a mass and less than 2 years ago I was undergoing chemo, so how can i just blow it off?

This week I went in for an ultrasound which shows that I have a mass, I got the blood work done, but have not heard anything. Hopefully this is a good sign. I have to get another ultrasound in 4 weeks to see the growth of the mass. Just like last time. I hope I do not have go through surgery and treatment again, but I do know I want to live, I want to annoy the crap out of my kids for another 100 years at least, so I will fight. A plus is I am losing weight finally, I am sure this probably isn't a good sign, but I have been trying to lose weight for 9 years with no success. Around 10 pounds a week right now. Cancer....the new weight loss program, mmmmm?