So much for not losing my hair like I was told. I knew I would and it was an interesting moment. Every morning I would wake up and tug on my hair it would be intact, but Monday morning when I got up, when I tugged it would come out. I had fun with it and went up to my husband and said, "Look what I can do" and tugged a chunk of hair and it came out. He started gagging. I didn't think it was gross or anything, but he did. I got in the shower and watched my pubic hair spill out all over the bottom of the shower and chunks of my head hair wash down my back. Surprising, I did not care until Steve took the shaver out and shaved my head. I shed a few tears but then realized I looked good with no hair. I have a perfectly shaped head and small ears so then I did not mind. I look tough now and for the first time, I can not hide behind my long hair. I have self esteem issues with my weight which I gained 100 pounds with my pregnancy and I honestly thought losing the one thing the defined me would send me over the edge,but it has actually made me stronger. I flaunt my bald head everywhere and get stares left and right, but I just say, "I have cancer, I am not pulling a Britney Spears and then they apologize and we move on" I am losing my eyebrows now, so I am sure I will get less stares unless I draw my expressions in. I think losing my hair is a good thing for me because it is helping realize that I have other beautiful features.
I had chemo on Tuesday again and my white blood cell count is 0, but I feel great, which is strange to me. I have to give my self injections in my belly everyday to up it to 1 so I can do my week treatment next week. I get my blood taken on Friday and if it is not up to 1 they want to hospitalize me which I find crazy. Why don't they just postpone till the following week? I don't want to send my kids off to my neighbors or send them early to their grandma's and miss Christmas with them. I am thier only parent right now and I want to draw the line, but the doctors are not listening. It is hard for me to put myself first when my kids are involved and their dad is gone. I am keeping postive that my counts are going to go up. They were at 8 last week, it is hard to believe they dropped that fast.
Today I woke up with blurred double vision which was interesting. I called my nurse and she said it was from the steriods. My vision cleared up by the afternoon, but it was annoying. The double vision just lasted about 30 minutes then it was like I could not focus on anything. I am a vegetarian and this chemo has me craving meat like crazy. I broke down tonight and made some bbq chicken. I ate a little and it was GOOD! My 2 year vegetarian life may be over for a while. I want a roast and some ribs. MMMMMMM! I read some other stories and people do tend to crave meat, so it is not just me. I will still eat my veg diet and eat meat once or twice or three times a week. :)
That is all so far this week. I am feeling great so far, no mouth sores, my rash is finally clearing up, more awake, but that will change next week when my chemo starts all over again. :(
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Hi Kristine
You have a different type of cancer and chemo, I think. I am on taxol and carboplatin (my chemo drugs of choice!). I go once every three weeks, for six treatments. My last one will be at the end of the year.
I am a vegetarian too - I had a craving for turkey after Thanksgiving, so I had some, and steak as well. Isn't that odd?
I am so used to not having hair now, I forget how other people must see me. I don't feel much different...
How many treatments do you have to have - and what kind of chemo are you getting? I hope that you are done soon.w
That's strange, I never heard of that, craving meat...of course I don't know much about Chemo, I never had to have it, I told the doc's to take my whole uterus out, I already had 4 kids.
Post a Comment