Reflection

I just asked my youngest what makes someone pretty. And she replied someone with a flat stomach and wears make-up and does their hair. Well I have to change that. She is only 7, but I don't want her to think that and feel that way. Hell, I'm bald, overweight, never wears make-up and does not own a dress, skirt or any bras. I wear tanks, if you must know. Makes me wonder what she thinks of me. :)

Anyways. Next week is my LAST week of torture!!!!! I hope. I get to have this catheder taken out of my arm and be somewhat normal. My eyebrows and eyelashes fell out yesterday, figures. I was so close to having my eyebrows to the end. I look like total crap. For some reason my eyes are swelling and puffy and constantly leaking. I have dark circles around my eyes too for that added effect of looking like a strung out druggie. My PIC line is infected and has nasties around it. They told me to just watch it. Thanks, I will do that while I am dripping in pain. I can not believe I am almost done and I hope it is for forever. I can not wait to have my hair back, I am tired of wearing hats, they itch. I want my energy back to play with my kids and do my schooling. I have only been once in 3 weeks, that is pathetic. Thankfully, the profs are working with me but I am sucking ass on the tests. I have made promises to myself for a new life that I will write about so that whoever is reading this will make sure I keep to it.

I promise to think of myself more. That sounds weird, but I never think of myself and I always do way more in volunteer work, school and helping neighbors than I can chew which leads to high stress and pissing my family off. I will only do one volunteer project at a time and have weekends off to play with my kids and husband and hang out. I promise to spend more time with the kids. They will be number one in my life, not others. I promise to graduate this year even if I can't finish my gerontology certificate because I need to finish. I promise a family vacation every year that does not involve driving to my parent's house. I want to show my girls the country and brighten thier horizons. Lastly, I promise to be there for my friends more. They have been there for me during this time of shit for me and I owe them whatever I can dish out. Oh wait, Jazz, I want that bike trip to Colorado we planned 11 years ago and never did because you HAD to get knocked up and make me move to Hawaii. :)