Went to chemo yesterday feeling like crap. this was not normal crap, I knew something was wrong. My legs were shaking, I was seeing an aura in my vision, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest and my blood pressure was high. I walked up to my chemo room and when they took my blood pressure it was 135/? which is high for me and my heart rate was in the 150's. I felt 90 and out of breath. Hell, I went to take a shower yesterday and had to sit to catch my breath in the middle and afterwards I just sat naked on the bed, wet and feeling like I just ran a marathon. I hate the way I felt, it is bad enough that I feel like shit from the chemo and now this. Anyways, the nurse came up and said that I was too pale for her comfort and did not like what she saw or heard so I had to have a blood transfusion. Did they stop chemo for the day??????? Hell, no! God forbid I did not get bleo for day. My counts were not low enough. I still have a whole nother week before I do my week chemo again, what my counts are going to stabilize????? I don't think so! So she was like, Kristine, tomorrow you will get 2 pints of blood and you will feel better and we can continue to give you chemo on schedule. Whatever!
This morning walking into the room to have my transfusion, I felt horrible. My heart was beating so fast, I was out of breath and my anxiety was through the roof. I am not keen of having 2 people's blood, i don't know in me. I was more scared of this then chemo. When he hooked me up and I saw the blood creeping towards my pic line, i blocked my vision and began imagining it as Kool-aid. Had to or I would of ripped it out and huffed my way out. I was there for 7 hours and have to say felt better then when I went in. I got my appetite back, my heart rate is lowered, blood pressure back to normal and I can walk down the hall without taking a break. Did I mention I was 32? Don't feel like it. Now it is the eve of my transfusion and I feel different in a way that I did not realize how bad I was. I am not the color of a white shirt anymore and I can keep my eyes open. Last night I could not keep my eyes open worth anything. Now I can focus on my cold which I get after every chemo treatment. I am beginning to realize that everything I am scared of is happening to me. Like my phobias are being tackled.
Cancer...check Surgery...check Blood Transfusion....check
Why couldn't be Win the Lottery...check Travel the world...check Find a cure....check
Maybe that will be this year :)
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How scary! I am so glad that they gave you that transfusion, and that you feel better.
Just keep knocking out those phobias one by one. I was always afraid of those things too (surgery, chemo, cancer) - except I haven't had a transfusion yet.
Maybe we need to be afraid of winning the lottery, in order for that to work... :)
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