Wednesday, January 23, 2008

another chemo week done

2 days past chemo and guess what I ate? Pizza, chicken wings and breadsticks. Not the smartest thing in the 2world, but boy was it yummy. I have not had chicken wings for over a year. MMMM, why did I wait so long. Yesterday was a yucky day. I was tired, as usual, and my friend and I vegged on the couch watching “America’s Top Model” and ate snacks all day. It was fun. Steve and the girls went out for the weekend so I could relax. I was still nauseated yesterday, but today I have been doing good. (Knock on wood). I slept well last night and woke up actually feeling “normal”, if that could be possible. Adrienne flew home today and the kids and husband are back, so things are going back to normal. I forgot tomorrow is a holiday so me or the kids have school. That is nice so I can have the extra day of rest.
This past week has been surreal for me knowing that I am almost done with treatment. I can not believe there is that light at the end of the tunnel for me already. At the same time, I do have a little guilt of being lucky when I hear of my friend Melinda getting bad news. I could not be told what, but judging from my chemo nurses face, it is not good. It has got me thinking of life in general and who or what moves our pieces. Melinda has a little girl just like me and what makes me different from her? I do believe her spirit will pull her through this next hurdle, but how much can one person take? I know the survivors are inspirations to others, but why did we survive? This experience has changed me emotionally, physically and educationally. Everyone I have met in that chemo room is my family whether they are old, young, black or white and these people I want to stay with. I have never had a “family” before. Meaning, having that true feeling of love and devotion towards each other and when I enter into that chemo room and seeing people’s faces light up because I am there and having people come up to me and tell me how much I have helped them through those hard times, is undescribable. Yes, my treatment is going to be done in 3 weeks, but I am not leaving my family. I have already began looking into a Chemo Nurse, RN program for after I graduate in June and volunteering for the center. I finally feel good about what my decision is for my future. I feel for the past 15 years I have struggled to find my puzzle piece to fit into this game of life and ironically cancer gave me that answer. I will still do my hospice work but I feel nursing is where I need to go. Weird how things evolve from other things.
Speaking of school. I have not been able to find a community service project for my class dealing with the elderly because I HAVE CANCER! I did not realize it was contagious. My instructor, who was as shocked as me, is letting me work for my hospice making phone calls to widowers and stuff envelopes for my credit. I am learning first hand how people view cancer, and I hope the stupidity is just because of the lack of education in this area, but COME ON! Since getting my first C in a while for the final I flunked from last quarter my GPA dropped. L That sucks!
Well I guess I should probably be studying for my exam this week instead of blogging, but this is more exciting.

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