Last week it started as a cold with the sniffles and now my body has sucked up everything in its path. I feel like a sponge now that the hole is opened. Today I feel ok, 1 week after this all started. Will I be sick more this year since I am 7 month post chemo? Is my body starting over? I tried researching this, but can not find anything. If anyone can answer this, I would appreciate it. It is funny b/c people I work with make fun of me b/c I use alot of hand sanitizer and spray with Lysol and I am the one that ended up so ill. I believe it is because my body has to rebuild my immune system. Another question, do I have to get all my immunizations again? Am I still vaccinated with the MMR and all other fun shots I got when I was little. I was asked this and I honestly can not answer it. MMMMMMMM?
today is my favorite holiday, Halloween, and I love that I am interning b/c I can dress up. I dressed up as one of our too happy collegues and everyone thinks it is hilarious. I have a wig from when I was bald that fits her hair style and she always wears Ohio State gear, so I am wearing Steve's jersey and I am walking up and down the aisle's talking way too loud and clapping b/c that is what this lady does. To top it off, I am at her desk today b/c she took today off. I am sooooooooooo funny. :)
Well I have to go work, actually, silly me!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
I'm a working woman, shocking
Never thought this day would come. My internship is half way over and it is closer to the end of my college career until my masters, of course. I have to work 40 hour weeks for 10 weeks and I am almost in week 5. I am still not use to getting up at 5am to drive the 45 minutes by 7am but I know it will take time. I honestly never thought this day would come. When I was diagnosed last year (almost 1 year ago), I felt doomed and now look at me. I have curly hair that I can push back with a head band, I have energy, now if I can only lose weight :). I love this internship at Adult Protective Services and I know that main reason is because I love the people I work with. I love helping people and getting them services they need. And of course there is the frustration when clients refuse services and we can not do anything at all. I am keeping my fingers crossed that they keep me but, unfortunatley, there are layoff's here so that is highly doubtful.
I have made an appointment t0 the gyno that caught my cancer last year to check my remaining ovary. I have had so much pain lately and it is to the point that I can not sleep because of all the what if's that go through my head. I think it is due to my schedule and I am actually active right now and my body is still adjusting, but I am wondering if cysts may be forming because I wake up feeling fine and I am in agony by the end of the work day. I am not a hyprochondriac or anything. :) I am going to have check my CA125 and check my sugars, cholesteral and whatever else to put my mind at ease. Of course I have to wait 2 more weeks, but at least I finally made the appointment.
To everyone that reads this....Have a good week and remember to live life to fullest everyday because you never know what tomorrow brings.....hopefully it is winning the lottery. :)
I have made an appointment t0 the gyno that caught my cancer last year to check my remaining ovary. I have had so much pain lately and it is to the point that I can not sleep because of all the what if's that go through my head. I think it is due to my schedule and I am actually active right now and my body is still adjusting, but I am wondering if cysts may be forming because I wake up feeling fine and I am in agony by the end of the work day. I am not a hyprochondriac or anything. :) I am going to have check my CA125 and check my sugars, cholesteral and whatever else to put my mind at ease. Of course I have to wait 2 more weeks, but at least I finally made the appointment.
To everyone that reads this....Have a good week and remember to live life to fullest everyday because you never know what tomorrow brings.....hopefully it is winning the lottery. :)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
6 month check up
Went to my check up and my markers were still low so that was a relief but the doctor's wording freaked me out. He wants to see me in 2.5 months and then wants to see me a month after that with further testing. I asked what these tumor markers check and he said it only tests the type of cancer i had which is a yolk sac tumor. The tests checks my pregnancy level and he does not check my CA-125 which I do not understand. He said that it is a waste of money to order a battery of tests and he keeps the price low by only ordering what is necessary. I appreciate that if i was paying out of pocket but my insurance covers everything so why not order the CA-125? I have been having pains in my right side which is my one ovary and he told me to monitor it and he will keep close tabs so in case it comes back it will be caught early. I don't understand but he is a well known doctor so I will put my trust in him. I was just hoping to be cleared in some way but now I am more paranoid than ever. I think my sugars are messed up too because of my light headedness and weird feelings if I eat too much carbs or not eating for a long amount of time. I am suppose to give my body a year to recover from chemo. I did start walking a mile a day so I hope that will do something somewhere in my body. :)
For now I am going to live life to the fullest and appreciate everyday I have with my kids. No need to worry about crap that has not happened yet. I am interning at Job and Family Services right now so hopefully this turns into something and I can finally start a new chapter in my life.
For now I am going to live life to the fullest and appreciate everyday I have with my kids. No need to worry about crap that has not happened yet. I am interning at Job and Family Services right now so hopefully this turns into something and I can finally start a new chapter in my life.
Friday, September 5, 2008
It's that time again
September 15th is my second cancer check up appointment and I am nervous, as always. My one ovary has been on overdrive and is constantly aching, I am so tired recently and just feel weird (shaky at times and light headed). I have started my periods again which is exciting and I do look good, but I am still nervous for my results. I just have to stay positive.
I began working, shocking, at a government agency and the woman I am replacing is going into surgery on Monday for possible ovarian cancer. She is getting everything out and was very excited to meet me. Granted I only had parts taken out, I had a similar surgery by which I was cut with a C-section. She is active like myself and wants and thinks she can start biking again 4 days post surgery. I told her good luck with that, but who knows. :)
I am happy right now with life. My youngest, Lyzzi, won Most Outstanding Female for Southeast Ohio and is attending a dinner in her honor on the 25th. We get to dress up and she gets another plaque. I am so proud of her! On the 21st I am going to an Ovarian Cancer awareness walk in Columbus which I am excited about.
I went back to Kansas for a visit with the parents since they would not come here and I am glad I did it. My friend surprised me with Linken Park tickets which was so exciting b/c they are my favorite boys. I stayed for 2 weeks and had to come back home a week early b/c I can not stand watching my parents kill themselves.
Husband is good, still here and is suppose to leave for 8 months again at the end of September if my tests are good to attend Officer Training School for the army and then we will be moved somewhere.
I hope everyone is doing well and I will post how my results are and how my new friend does with her surgery. Think of her this Monday and put in good thoughts!
I began working, shocking, at a government agency and the woman I am replacing is going into surgery on Monday for possible ovarian cancer. She is getting everything out and was very excited to meet me. Granted I only had parts taken out, I had a similar surgery by which I was cut with a C-section. She is active like myself and wants and thinks she can start biking again 4 days post surgery. I told her good luck with that, but who knows. :)
I am happy right now with life. My youngest, Lyzzi, won Most Outstanding Female for Southeast Ohio and is attending a dinner in her honor on the 25th. We get to dress up and she gets another plaque. I am so proud of her! On the 21st I am going to an Ovarian Cancer awareness walk in Columbus which I am excited about.
I went back to Kansas for a visit with the parents since they would not come here and I am glad I did it. My friend surprised me with Linken Park tickets which was so exciting b/c they are my favorite boys. I stayed for 2 weeks and had to come back home a week early b/c I can not stand watching my parents kill themselves.
Husband is good, still here and is suppose to leave for 8 months again at the end of September if my tests are good to attend Officer Training School for the army and then we will be moved somewhere.
I hope everyone is doing well and I will post how my results are and how my new friend does with her surgery. Think of her this Monday and put in good thoughts!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
3 months
My three month appointment went well. I am clear still with low tumor markers, one was 3 and the other was 5 so I am very grateful. Right now I am looking outside my window to a beautiful cotton candy sunset. A storm just past and I still hear the thunder in the background. I love summer storms, they scare the crap out of me and I think they are fascinating at the same time.
My hubby has been diagnosed with divertilitis or something like that. I have to revamp his diet since he eats crap and that is about it. Tonight I tried to give him some beans but he had peaches and tomato soup instead. My daughter and I had bean dip with melted Rotel cheese dip over it. Sounds funky but it is good.
I am in a good spot in my life right now and I am soaking it up. My kitties are growing and becoming more playful and we now have a stray Husky/Shepard mix that visits daily. It is a pretty dog, solid yellow with Siberian eyes and fur. I worry about her b/c we live off a country highway, but it looks like she has been around.
Fourth of July is coming and I have so many invitations, but I want to just stay home and pause for the weekend. I know I won't though. I have been nonstop since I found out I was in remission. I think I am busier now than before cancer. I hope that is not a bad thing. I just notice now, I follow my feelings and if I don't want to do something, I don't and I won't feel guilty about it.
Hope everyone has a good holiday
My hubby has been diagnosed with divertilitis or something like that. I have to revamp his diet since he eats crap and that is about it. Tonight I tried to give him some beans but he had peaches and tomato soup instead. My daughter and I had bean dip with melted Rotel cheese dip over it. Sounds funky but it is good.
I am in a good spot in my life right now and I am soaking it up. My kitties are growing and becoming more playful and we now have a stray Husky/Shepard mix that visits daily. It is a pretty dog, solid yellow with Siberian eyes and fur. I worry about her b/c we live off a country highway, but it looks like she has been around.
Fourth of July is coming and I have so many invitations, but I want to just stay home and pause for the weekend. I know I won't though. I have been nonstop since I found out I was in remission. I think I am busier now than before cancer. I hope that is not a bad thing. I just notice now, I follow my feelings and if I don't want to do something, I don't and I won't feel guilty about it.
Hope everyone has a good holiday
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Qualude with a side of psycho
It is 4am and I am having horrible insomnia. It has been about a week now, last week it was b/c of graduation and my grad party I had Saturday, this week is b/c I have a stalker. I can put another thing that sucks if you have to go through it, having to constantly look over your shoulder. My anxiety is so high, that I have constant butterflies in my stomach, I am nauseated and I am having chest pains. Adding no sleep, my 3 month cancer appointment in 2 days should go smoothly.
Saturday the 14th, I graduated with honors from OU, finally. I walked across that stage with a sigh of relief more than sadness. My friends cried that I went to school with, but I think it was b/c they lived on campus for 4 years and OU was their family. I was looking forward to my party back home so I did the stage thing, posed for pictures and left.
Came home around 5pm to a backyard full of people. They were playing cornhole and sitting around talking. My best friend drove down with her friend and my neighbors had come up. I know I am not suppose to drink, but my dr. agreed one night would not do anything, so I drank a couple Bud Lights and relaxed.
My kids were suppose to have friends over, but when the parents, who I also invited, decided against it b/c their was alcohol there, none of them showed up. I understood, but at the same time, I'm in my 30's and being drunk, puking everywhere and acting stupid is kind of past me.
Around 10pm, my daughter's friend's older sister came with her fiance. My party was BYOB and they came to have fun. These two, my friend and husband ended up sitting around the campfire after everyone left and just told stories. Somehow we got on a subject of the dumbest things we did. I mentioned that one time in high school I ran around my house naked on a dare. Well, this girl and fiance stripped down and ran around my house with my husband trailing behind with his shorts off. When they came back down, the girl got back up and got TOTALLY naked and started running but tripped and fell on her face. Her fiance got naked picked her up ran around the house then headed down my hill for privacy. My friend, husband and I began talking of calling it a night when we heard this woman crying. My friend went down to check on her and came back to say that it looked like they were in the act. Out of nowhere, this girl started screaming at her fiance and took off running up the hill. He got up and jumped in his truck, which is when I ran to him and grabbed his keys and told him to chill out. this girl was crying hysterically over something and began babbling about her mom.
This is a grown woman, so I thought, we still lives at home with a curfew of 1am. this girls mom called non stop beginning at 1am. the same time she began flipping out. I am thinking she is scared shitless of her being she is still living at home and has to sneak out to see her fiance.
Knowing that, I as at the truck trying to talk this guy to spend the night in our tent b/c he was mad and had been drinking. He agreed until this girl came running up to the truck asking for a pop. She called her mom, who was coming to pick her up. this mom has a reputation of being a little off, so I of course was like, GREAT! this mom comes marching up my driveway and gets into my face and threatens to punch me. Turns out this girl is 18. Every otherword out of this mom's mouth is the F word. My friend and I stayed calm and told her mom to calm down, which was just fueling the fire. She then began labeling me a bad parent, was going to call the Sheriff's on me for contributing to a minor (which I didn't, remember it was BYOB), call Children's Services, etc. I walked away when I over heard her telling my husband that he should of been killed in Iraq. I quickly went an grabbed Steve and made him walk away and my friend kept telling them to get off the property. Now, I am like, I should of done this, done that, but when you are in your 30's, id'ing people does not come to mind at your house especially when they are bringing thier own crap.
the next day I checked my email and this mom left 4 nice messages for me with more threats and saying that myself and my friend ripped her daughter's clothes off and made her do acts in front of the kids and that I was a nasty person, etc, etc. I printed these off. then came the calls. this woman called me 8 times in a row the next day. I knew not to answer, and I didn't. She then called one last time around 11pm.
Today was gymnastics for the girls. Her daughter joined up last week and the mom has never gone to anything relating to this daughter, but she was there today of course. Knowing this I brought a small tape recorder. Her mom preceded again in front of children to call me a f'n b, that I was nasty and how I ruined her daughter's life. Oh, yeah, I guess this girl is pregnant too. She told my husband to get the hell out of there. We know not to respond and I think that is pissing her off more that she is not getting a reaction, but having her threats on tape, we took the girls out and went to the Sheriff's and filed a statement. It really pissed me off that I had to take my girls out of gymnastics when she was the one with the problem. What is done, is done, let's agree to disagree and move on.
Tonight my girls are having nightmares that someone is attacking me. My husband had a nightmare tonight that is very similar. this woman is driving us crazy and what I don't understand is she lets her daughter drink at the house and this girl goes to the bar to drink. I was analyzing her emails and she turns them around to make her the victim. I believe I am the scapegoat of her misery. Her daughter told us that night that her mom was suicidal. That is a red flag and makes sense as to why she is so nasty. I am not the first person to be in this situation with her and I know I won't be the last. It just sucks. We are thinking of moving. tomorrow we are getting a restraining order which I know will just fuel the fire, but I don't know what else to do. If her anger was just towards me, it would be one thing, but now the family is affected. Any suggestions?
I do really want a boring life. It seems something always has to be happening. But I guess it is suppose to make you stronger, right.
Saturday the 14th, I graduated with honors from OU, finally. I walked across that stage with a sigh of relief more than sadness. My friends cried that I went to school with, but I think it was b/c they lived on campus for 4 years and OU was their family. I was looking forward to my party back home so I did the stage thing, posed for pictures and left.
Came home around 5pm to a backyard full of people. They were playing cornhole and sitting around talking. My best friend drove down with her friend and my neighbors had come up. I know I am not suppose to drink, but my dr. agreed one night would not do anything, so I drank a couple Bud Lights and relaxed.
My kids were suppose to have friends over, but when the parents, who I also invited, decided against it b/c their was alcohol there, none of them showed up. I understood, but at the same time, I'm in my 30's and being drunk, puking everywhere and acting stupid is kind of past me.
Around 10pm, my daughter's friend's older sister came with her fiance. My party was BYOB and they came to have fun. These two, my friend and husband ended up sitting around the campfire after everyone left and just told stories. Somehow we got on a subject of the dumbest things we did. I mentioned that one time in high school I ran around my house naked on a dare. Well, this girl and fiance stripped down and ran around my house with my husband trailing behind with his shorts off. When they came back down, the girl got back up and got TOTALLY naked and started running but tripped and fell on her face. Her fiance got naked picked her up ran around the house then headed down my hill for privacy. My friend, husband and I began talking of calling it a night when we heard this woman crying. My friend went down to check on her and came back to say that it looked like they were in the act. Out of nowhere, this girl started screaming at her fiance and took off running up the hill. He got up and jumped in his truck, which is when I ran to him and grabbed his keys and told him to chill out. this girl was crying hysterically over something and began babbling about her mom.
This is a grown woman, so I thought, we still lives at home with a curfew of 1am. this girls mom called non stop beginning at 1am. the same time she began flipping out. I am thinking she is scared shitless of her being she is still living at home and has to sneak out to see her fiance.
Knowing that, I as at the truck trying to talk this guy to spend the night in our tent b/c he was mad and had been drinking. He agreed until this girl came running up to the truck asking for a pop. She called her mom, who was coming to pick her up. this mom has a reputation of being a little off, so I of course was like, GREAT! this mom comes marching up my driveway and gets into my face and threatens to punch me. Turns out this girl is 18. Every otherword out of this mom's mouth is the F word. My friend and I stayed calm and told her mom to calm down, which was just fueling the fire. She then began labeling me a bad parent, was going to call the Sheriff's on me for contributing to a minor (which I didn't, remember it was BYOB), call Children's Services, etc. I walked away when I over heard her telling my husband that he should of been killed in Iraq. I quickly went an grabbed Steve and made him walk away and my friend kept telling them to get off the property. Now, I am like, I should of done this, done that, but when you are in your 30's, id'ing people does not come to mind at your house especially when they are bringing thier own crap.
the next day I checked my email and this mom left 4 nice messages for me with more threats and saying that myself and my friend ripped her daughter's clothes off and made her do acts in front of the kids and that I was a nasty person, etc, etc. I printed these off. then came the calls. this woman called me 8 times in a row the next day. I knew not to answer, and I didn't. She then called one last time around 11pm.
Today was gymnastics for the girls. Her daughter joined up last week and the mom has never gone to anything relating to this daughter, but she was there today of course. Knowing this I brought a small tape recorder. Her mom preceded again in front of children to call me a f'n b, that I was nasty and how I ruined her daughter's life. Oh, yeah, I guess this girl is pregnant too. She told my husband to get the hell out of there. We know not to respond and I think that is pissing her off more that she is not getting a reaction, but having her threats on tape, we took the girls out and went to the Sheriff's and filed a statement. It really pissed me off that I had to take my girls out of gymnastics when she was the one with the problem. What is done, is done, let's agree to disagree and move on.
Tonight my girls are having nightmares that someone is attacking me. My husband had a nightmare tonight that is very similar. this woman is driving us crazy and what I don't understand is she lets her daughter drink at the house and this girl goes to the bar to drink. I was analyzing her emails and she turns them around to make her the victim. I believe I am the scapegoat of her misery. Her daughter told us that night that her mom was suicidal. That is a red flag and makes sense as to why she is so nasty. I am not the first person to be in this situation with her and I know I won't be the last. It just sucks. We are thinking of moving. tomorrow we are getting a restraining order which I know will just fuel the fire, but I don't know what else to do. If her anger was just towards me, it would be one thing, but now the family is affected. Any suggestions?
I do really want a boring life. It seems something always has to be happening. But I guess it is suppose to make you stronger, right.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
update May 2008
People have asked why I haven't been blogging and the truth is that I am busy again and have not gotten around to it. today is a cloudy warm day and I decided to send out an update. I still feel that every pain in my lower right side is my one ovary ready to burst and I even went to the doctor last month out of paranoia and it turned out to be nothing. Now I try to ignore the pains and enjoy life.
4 months post last chemo treatment, I still have numb fingertips, swollen toes and indigestion to some foods. I recently went through a stint of not being able to eat anything without pooping, but out of the blue, I can eat again with no problems. I am still tired and I get frustrated that I don't have my strength back at full force yet. I am grateful not being in chemo treatments so I do not complain. I know it takes time, I just wish there was a book out about post treatment so that I know what is normal and what isn't.
My next appointment is June 19th for my scan and June 14th I am graduating from college, Finally. Steve and I are getting along great and actually have been closer than ever before. My girls are doing great. They just got kittens over the weekend and my youngest, Lyzzi, is constantly carrying hers around. They are spoiled kitties!
My prayers go out to all going through cancer. What got me through the toughest days was knowing that tomorrow was a new day. I still live day to day because some days are still low for me, but I am thankful for what I have and the accomplishments I created for myself. For those who have been asking, I am doing great. If anyone knows anything about post treatment, I have a thumbnail that is looking funky and was wondering if anyone else has this. I will write more. I promise.
4 months post last chemo treatment, I still have numb fingertips, swollen toes and indigestion to some foods. I recently went through a stint of not being able to eat anything without pooping, but out of the blue, I can eat again with no problems. I am still tired and I get frustrated that I don't have my strength back at full force yet. I am grateful not being in chemo treatments so I do not complain. I know it takes time, I just wish there was a book out about post treatment so that I know what is normal and what isn't.
My next appointment is June 19th for my scan and June 14th I am graduating from college, Finally. Steve and I are getting along great and actually have been closer than ever before. My girls are doing great. They just got kittens over the weekend and my youngest, Lyzzi, is constantly carrying hers around. They are spoiled kitties!
My prayers go out to all going through cancer. What got me through the toughest days was knowing that tomorrow was a new day. I still live day to day because some days are still low for me, but I am thankful for what I have and the accomplishments I created for myself. For those who have been asking, I am doing great. If anyone knows anything about post treatment, I have a thumbnail that is looking funky and was wondering if anyone else has this. I will write more. I promise.
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